hola self-realization.

so im constantly mad at my mother. for a lot of reasons actually, valid ones too, but im only talking about one right now. and that is that she that she doesnt know how to prioritize her money, puts her self in debt constantly, and then lives her life financially frustrated. she thinks that things like the interent, or having an awesome apartment, or going out eat/drink constantly are priorities.

here's where im at. not job right now, except for occasional work with juice's step dad david. might not be able to afford school next semester. dont want my cell phone cause its too much money right now. struggling to make my car payment and insurance. no jobs that i've applied at are calling me back. im all stressin on where my next paycheck is coming from. living in an apartment with my 40 yr old single mom and sharing a room with my twelve year old sister, but cant move out yet cause i dont have enough money to finish mine and kevs apartment quite yet.

whats killing me? my 350 dollars i have to cough up monthly for car.

so what your saying michael, is that your nice car (very nice car i might add) is more important than school? moving out? other bills? happiness?

it looks like i need to take my own advice once again.

(so if anyone wants to buy a 2004 saturn ion. black. 30k miles. talk to me.)

Currently Listening Cold Roses By Ryan Adams & the Cardinals see related

i hate middle school girls sleep overs.

so yeah. im stuck in the living room tonight. with my sister and 3 other strange girls doing god knows what in the bedroom, being loud as hell keeping me up all night, while i have to work at 7 in the moring. woo woo.

a couple of things i question:

1. straight edge christians. theres just some hypocricy that ive noticed a lot with some of these kids. not all. so dont get all pissed already over nothing. this is simply what ive noticed through observation. ok, no alcohol. no drugs. thats fine. i understand thats what straightedge is. i also have been told that straight edge is about possitivity, and community. sticking up for your brothers. love. not hate. ok good. i like this so far. but ive seen a lot of actions of "sxe" kids that leads me to believe differently. like when a fellow sxe kid says he will beat someone to death for messing with another sxe kid. or when a sxe kid tells someone they should die because they smoke cigerettes or pot. or this is a prime example. so my good friend rick went to see his cousins band play one time. and his cousins band has lyrics saying basically what i am saying right now. (questioning straightedge kids) after the show, a group of about 10-12 sxe kids went over to the bands van, and surrounded it, while yelling and threatning to tip over their van while they were in it.

hrmmm. that quite possibly may be the most hypocritical movement ever made. if straightedge truely is about positivity and love, then all of this threatning doesnt make sense at all. especially to the ones that call themselves christians as well. someday all of this will go too far if it doesnt stop. the little innocent kid that has never done a thing to hurt anyone in their life but happens to smoke, is going to get beat to death by a bunch of sxe kids whom are attempting to teach him a lesson on positivity.

again. this is not aimed at all sxe kids. just the ones that ive noticed it with. the ones that are giving the true sxe kids a bad reputation.

2. bologna. dude, its just gross. i dont even know what its made of.

3. adam going to pittsburg. haha. im kidding you fuck. you know that i support you in everything you do. if you even read this stupid xanga crap.

things i dont question:

1. my faith. actually i take that back. i question my faith all the time. and i question god sometimes too. i dont question his existance. i just want to hear the truth straight from him sometimes. and he shows me answers. if you go through life thinking you know everything, you'll never learn anything new. or grow. so strive for answers. and when you cant mathmatically figure an answer to something,... let faith takes its course, and that will answer it for you.  

2. kayla. shes as smart as me, if not smarter. and shes smarter than you. and shes one of the few out of this retarded town that can actually put a smile on my face. a huge smile i must add.

3. tyler gerard. hes the mutha fucking ghetto blaster. and hes never steered me wrong in my entire life. he taught me not to let what anyone else thinks effect your happiness. in other words, by yourself bitches.

Currently Playing A Grand Don't Come for Free By The Streets see related

a couple of things:

one. im retarded and the number below is not my right number. im alittle embarassed about his. the actual number is the following:

655.9082

second. i'd like to recite a quote that mike crellin said at work last week. in reference to multiple person couples he said, "i dont care. threesome. foursome. sixsome. eightsome. it's all life."

third. here's a nice show we are playing. should will be out. good bands. there's not reason why you shouldnt be there.

Currently Playing Songs For Silverman By Ben Folds see related

655.0982.

now no one should have reason to not call me.

so we moved out. completely. my moms place is nicer than expected. im probably not going to fully unpack for a couple of reasons. one being that mi mama y hermana have so much effing stuff that theres no place to put any of mine yet. and two, im hoping that mine and kevs place will be done fairly soon anyways. we are just saving some money. donations are excepted.

so i was driving to my old house last night to pack up the last of my things, and i turned right onto tarbell, right onto easton as i did for oh so long. i started thinking, "maybe im going to miss this place". then as i turned the corner of easton, i looked at the same house on that corner that i look at everytime. three dogs ran at my car full speed, only to be stopped by the chain link fence that always seems to stop them. they then turned around and went back up to the porch area of the house, where they linger in and out of the doorway. then it hit me. ive never ever seen a human being at that house. like ever. there isnt even a driveway for cars i dont think. so i decided a couple of things when that hit me. one, that house is owned by the dogs. they prolly are a family or something, and they are old and mean, and they just live in that house and bark at cars and will continue to be those loud, abnoxious dogs that everyone hates for the rest of their lives. except they own a house. and two, that i definetely will not miss my old neighborhood or my old house even for that matter.

change is good.

Currently Playing from a basement on the hill By Elliott Smith see related

attention:

if anyone has a decent bicycle that they dont want or dont use anymore, can i please have it? i dont really care what kinda. just your basic ten speed i suppose. anything that will safetly ride around town.

gracias.

-michael-

Currently Playing Decadence By Head Automatica see related